i'm pretty sure i'm bipolar. every tiny little thing can change my mood and it's fucking annoying. nothing has to even occur for me to change moods. and it's constant. it's not even just sometimes. all throughout the day my mood changes atleast 10 times over the stupid most simple things. no one can tell me it's hormones because i know it's not. there's a huge difference. who am i suppose to go to though? no one will believe me they will just think i'm looking for attention or that it's just something simple....no. i don't wanna hear that


i can't explain why it pisses me off but it does. no one goes on that site unless they wanna talk to random strangers and of all people you can't tell me that's not what you're doing. fuck man. i don't know how obvious i have to be. you ask me whats wrong when you can clearly see i get pissy RIGHT AFTER you said you're playing it. and it's not even just that. when something pisses me off, i get pissy. and if it's repetitiveness because of the same thing, you would think you would have caught on by now. i don't know how much more obvious i have to be. i shouldn't have to tell you because that just causes problems. i don't care if it doesn't seem like a big deal to you or anyone else. it bothers me, you know it bothers me. don't tell me you aren't playing and don't avoid telling me you're playing it because trust me i always know.

this honestly bothers me to the point where i feel sick. i know i shouldn't remind myself of the past and what's happened but sometimes it just pops into mind and i feel like i'm going to throw up every time. i don't talk to people about it cause i don't want to hear shit like if it makes you this unhappy you guys shouldn't be together and i don't wanna hear shit like oh hes an asshole cause none of that is true. i hate talking to people about things that are my personal insecurities and issues because they don't know what to say or how to deal with it. but honestly, i need to get over all of this shit. i can't wake up every morning and go to bed every night feeling like i'm going to be sick. in the end all the trust just needs to come back and you need to prove to me that i don't need to be worrying about you. i love you and i wanna trust you and you say you wanna be with me for a really long time. lets make this happen, work together and finally get over whatever has gone on in the past. i'm working on it but the only way it's going to happen is if you can be good from now on. promise me,.

you can't expect me to trust you if you're off flirting with other girls. after all of the shit that's happened you want me to trust you and it's quite obvious that after everything that's happened little things are going to trigger a jealously bar off in my head but clearly that doesn't matter. whether flirting means something or not it's still flirting i don't know whether i'm just letting this get to me or not but it bothers me . i don't know what else to do or say. i want to believe you but it's going to take time and don't for a second think that you can do shit behind my back while trying to make me think i can trust you cause i don't roll like that, at all. if you care about me you're going to stop, no matter what. whether you know the person or you don't or it's face to face or it's texting or over the internet or on a game i don't care. it still matters and i don't know what else to say about. i love you and i want to trust you 100% again and i just want everything to go back to normal and yeah ok. this sucks i'm in a bad mood now .

if fucking pisses me off that you smoke again. you sit here and say how you wanna go to florida as a family vacation again but you're wasting your money on those stupid smokes. i honestly have almost no respect for you right now. you bought a car and said that you couldn't smoke anymore because you're using that money to pay for the car insurance and now you're going to try paying for both? we clearly aren't going to florida again and you're just going to get your car taken away because you won't have the money to pay for it . you always tell me to do the right thing and make good choices but what about you? you were doing so well and now you're just going to give up. i don't get it .

some people in this world are actually such bitches. like why the fuck to you enjoy making fun of people and making other people feel like shit. i understand that once in a while everyone is bound to say something about someone else but the fact that you admit it and you're proud like are you good? i don't understand why people find so much enjoyment in making other people hate themselves. i've been in that position before, i've hated myself and it's not fun. i will admit i have said things about people before but i realized a while ago that it wasn't getting me anywhere. ever since that day i've never said anything about someone that i wouldn't say to their face. easy as that. plus i don't even want to think that the things i could be saying could cause someone a life time of pain. i never want to be the reason someone tries to kill themselves or has to go for help or hates themselves or anything like that. i think it's disgusting that some people enjoy putting other people down. i can't wait until the day that they are the ones being put down and finally realize it hurts and it's not getting them anywhere.

i think blogging would be the best thing for me. i honestly hold so much in and it's takes over me. sometimes i bottle so much up that eventually i snap on the people that i care about and i can't do that anymore. i needed to find a place where i could just say as i please without anyone judging me for it. from now on, this is where i vent. my life is going to come out on this blog and everything's just going to be better ok

you give me this feeling. & it's like, no matter how hard i try to describe it, it will never fit the feeling itself. when you get a good grade you can express the feeling you would get inside, or when you get a new cell phone, or even make a new friend. but this, this is like a first kiss. it's unexplainable, indescribable, yet completely incredible. you're like the sun on a summer's day, the icing on a cupcake, and the chorus to a song, always the best part. you are the best part of my day, my week, & my life. i'm the type of person that other then on paper, feelings don't come easy to express. that's just who i am. so if it ever seems like i'm trying to push you away, i'm not. i'm probably just testing how much you can take, i test my waters. & if yours are high enough we could make it a long way. no matter what, i'm yours, & no one is going to change that. just remember this. i belong to you.